Reggie's End

As Reggie got older, he got more problems...arthritis...cataracts...confusion. He would be in the yard and not able to see very well and would growl if I snuck up on him. He would sleep very soundly, and if a cat brushed his leg, he would jump up and growl and snap. Or Dalton would surprise him, and he would snap at him. A couple of times, Reggie's teeth actually grazed Dalton, but they were just scratches.

In February, I took Reggie in to the vet for his annual vaccinations, and talked to vet about all of these things. He said that he was just old (13-14 years, best guess), and that he was less tolerable than he used to be. Easily startled, etc. So we decided to put him on an anti-senility medication. The doc said that it would either work, or it wouldn't, we'd know soon. It was expensive, $70.00 a month, but well worth it to have Reggie back to normal.

Well, it didn't work. He was still snapping and growling at times.

I watch another little boy for a friend during the week, one day a week. Reggie doesn't really like other kids, so when he is here, I put Reggie in our bedroom with a baby gate up and the door shut. But last Thursday, I was doing dishes...I didn't realize that Dalton had taken the gate down and opened the door. Reggie came out...the other little boy hit Reggie and Reggie snapped at him, biting him on his cheek. It wasn't that bad, honestly, just a surface scratch and what would probably leave a large bruise. But it was the worst one yet.

So what do you do? Do you keep the dog, because he really is a good dog that you love with all your heart, until one day he really snaps and causes a massive injury to your child or another child? And then when that happens, do you find yourself hating the dog? I had taken every precaution thus far that I could, and it failed. So the decision was made to put Reggie down before something very serious happened. I cried all day, and made an appointment at the vet for Friday at 5:00.

On Friday, Dalton and I spent all day with Reggie. We took him for a walk, we played in the yard, and we cuddled on the couch (which is off limits to the dogs). I even fed him a few tasty morsels of people food, which I never do. Shortly before we left, I told Dalton a little of what was going to happen so that he could say goodbye. I told him that Grandma was coming to stay with him, while Daddy and I took Reggie to the vet, and that Reggie wouldn't be coming home. Dalton looked at me and asked "Can't you just get him a shot? I want Reggie to be the old Reggie." And my heart broke a little more.

We went to the vet, and we talked at length with the doctor to make sure that we had exhausted all efforts. We had. The best decision we could make at this point was to say goodbye. It was horrible and heart breaking and exhausting. I sat on the floor with Reggie and stayed with him to the end. As the doc put the needle in his leg, Reggie got scared. He jerked and whined, and I looked him in the eyes, and he was terrified. And then he was gone. I sat for a long time with him after that, just petting him. The doctor even eventually said, "He's gone." and I said, "I know." and then I got up and walked out the door.

We opted to have Reggie cremated and get his ashes back. I have two other dogs I've done that with...I think eventually, when I die, I want to be buried with the ashes of all my long lost pets. Is that morbid? Maybe. But they were such a huge part of my life, and every time that one dies, a little piece of me dies, too.

I still am not sure that we made the right decision. I still think, "I should have loved him more...I should have done more to keep him away from the kids." But in reality, that wasn't the right thing to do either.

We are still heartbroken, and still cry daily for Reggie. Dalton has asked numerous times if Reggie can come home. And he has also asked if he can "go to Heaven to play with Reggie". This morning, it was about 7:30, and I was still lying in bed. I heard Dalton get up, go to the bathroom, and then I heard the back door open. I ran outside to the back yard, where Dalton is standing, in his tshirt and underpants, that's it...I ask him what in the world does he think he's doing?? He simply looked at me..."I was just checking to see if Reggie came home yet..." and then he went back in the house.

That has been one of the hardest parts of all this...that Dalton loved Reggie and Reggie loved Dalton. And Dalton doesn't understand why any of this happened. Neither do I, really. I just hope that Reggie can forgive us, and that he will be waiting for me at the Rainbow Bridge.