Sunday, January 26, 2014

It has NOT been three years since I've blogged. Right?

Seriously? What do you say when you go 3+ years since last blogging? We've been busy. Sick. Moving. Planning funerals. I don't know, all of the above? I'm gonna' try to get back in the groove. I started the blog all those years ago so that our out-of-town family could keep track of the monsters  children growing up. And I wanted the boys to be able to look back and know who we were, them, us. And time slips away, and the next thing you know you're old and creaky and, well...

Dalton is 8 now, almost 9. Almost 9!! Holy moly. He's in third grade for crying out loud. I don't understand where the time goes. He is so...big just blows my mind. He's still kind and considerate, and some of the things he says are just outrageous. When did he get so smart?

Jackson is 5! He will start kindergarten this fall. I'm not ready for that. Truth be told, I don't think he's ready for that either, but our bank account is sure ready to stop paying for daycare! Jackson is...Jackson. He's so... I struggle to find words to describe this boy that don't describe him as being a heathen, but he kind of is. I'm sure it's our fault. We babied him, and treated him as breakable for so long after his early entry into this life, and it RUINED him. ;) He's rambunctious, obnoxious, loud, ALL BOY. Don't get me wrong, he has his moments of being sweet and cuddly and all, but those moments are few and far between. He's lucky he's so stinkin' cute.

We moved in July 2013. We'd outgrown our old house, and it was falling down around us. Okay, maybe it wasn't THAT bad, but we were so tired of throwing money into it. The roof leaked, so we replaced it, but insurance wouldn't pay for it because they claimed it was "installed improperly"...17 years prior. We had a leaky pipe in the wall that we couldn't get to, and ended up having to tear our entire master bathroom to fix it. That was after the roof leaked and took out all the ceiling drywall in that bathroom, so at least it was in the same place I guess. It was just one thing after another, money and bills and financing and JUST STOP ALREADY! So we did. We met with our realtor, who is a friend, and she helped us get it all ready to go. We sold it approximately 36 hours after it went on the market. Seriously! We hadn't even house shopped. At. All. So we furiously went on the hunt. Luckily we found a house we love just days later. We had a few minor snafus with the buyers for our house, and the closing getting pushed back, but all in all, everything worked out fine.

My sister, Ann, moved to Dubai in August 2013. I know right? We have her dog, Maggie. ;) I never previously posted much about Ann. My siblings and I...well. There's a big age difference (like my oldest sister, Catherine, is 20 years older than me). So most of them were moved out of the house by the time I was born, so we're not real close. 5 years ago, if Ann had moved across the world, I most certainly wouldn't have offered to keep her dog, and it wouldn't have been super sad to me to have her so far. But now... we've grown very close in the last 3 years. And I miss her now. The fact that I can't just pick up the phone and call her (not that I did much before) is devastating. What happened 3 years ago that we got closer?

Our mom died. There. I said it. Mom died. Those words, when they leave my mouth or head, it's like fiery vomit leaving my body. I say it out loud and my body burns.  Bleh. She was killed by breast cancer that metastasized to her lungs, bones, and brain.

I literally just sat here after typing the above, for about a full minute. What do you say after that? Mom died. She is gone. When someone you love so much leaves the earth, how does everything else continue to function? How does the world still turn? I miss her so much. I miss her advice, and her nagging, and her. Everything about her. I find myself thinking at least ten times a day about her and what she would think or say in any given situation. When Jackson fell and got a concussion, I needed to call her and get her advice. When Dalton was violently vomiting with the stomach flu, I needed to call her and ask questions. When we were moving, I needed to call her and ask what she thought. I still need to call her, and I can't, and I don't even know how to put into words the feeling of loss and emptiness and despair. The thing is, you always need your mom. Always.

Wow. This is heavy stuff after 3+ years of silence. I'm done rambling for now. I really really really hope to blog at least once a week. But no promises, eh? (Sometimes I like to pretend I'm Canadian).

Later -