Sunday, February 21, 2010

I'm Going To Be Rich Someday

Why will you be rich...I bet that's what you're asking.

Well, a while back I was on 7 or 8 different prescriptions for different ailments, and since I was on so many rx's at once, I got really paranoid about reading the patient information leaflets that came with the drugs. They're those printouts you get with your meds that list the drug name, the ailments that are treated, the side effects, etc. I'm not on all those meds anymore, but I am still a big stickler about reading those leaflets when I get them because I'm just crazy like that.

So tonight I went to the pharmacy to get my migraine meds and an anti-inflammatory for my foot problem, and I was reading both of the leaflets when I noticed (and I've noticed it before) that they always say a side effect could be caused, and that's exactly what you're treating for. Does that make sense? I'll explain in a minute if you don't get what I'm saying.

So I'm going to write my own patient education leaflet, and I'm going to copyright it, and it will be ONE leaflet good for any/all medications prescribed. And every time a pharmacy gives it out, they can pay me a penny each time. Even at only a penny, I'll be super rich, because it'll be one penny for every single rx for every person that gets one, at any pharmacy.

So, here's my patient ed sheet, and mind you, I have ALL rights to this, and if someone steals it, I'll sue you.

DRUG NAME: whatever
SIDE EFFECTS: If you are taking this medication for nausea/vomiting, this medication will make you nauseous/vomit. If you are taking this medication for diarrhea, it will cause diarrhea. If you are taking it for headaches, it will cause headaches. If you taking it for pain, it will cause pain. If you are taking it for inflammation, it will cause inflammation. If you are taking it for depression, it will cause more depression and you may have suicidal thoughts. If you are taking it for a cold, it will cause shortness of breath. If you are taking it for allergies, you will have additional and more severe allergic symptoms. If you are taking it for vision problems, it will cause you to go blind. If you are taking it for gastrointestinal problems, it will cause your bowel to fall out. If you are taking it to thin your blood, it will cause your blood to seep from every orifice in your body. If you are taking it for urinary infections, it will cause your penis to fall off, or your vagina to fall out, or your kidneys to evaporate. If you are taking it for mood swings, it will cause you to get the crazies. If you are taking it to prevent pregnancies, you will become pregnant with octuplets. If you are taking it to increase your sex drive, it will cause you to be attracted to members of the same sex. If you are taking it for a fungal infection, it will cause mold to replace your skin. If you are taking it for swelling, you will soon be the size of a house. If you are taking it for acne, soon your face will just be one giant zit. If you are taking it for any reason not listed above, it will cause the exact opposite effect on you.

I think that just about covers it.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Infinite Words of Wisdom

Well, frankly, I haven't posted for a while because I didn't want to be charged with murder after boring everyone to death. We just haven't had much going on here lately. Nada. Zilch. I also loaned our camera out to a friend, and so I haven't taken any new pictures for almost two weeks (YIKES!), and it really bugs me to post with no pictures.

So today you get Dalton's Infinite Words of Wisdom.

Driving in the car:
D: "Are we going in circles? We're in the middle of nowhere..." (In fact, we were right off the town square.)

Dalton asked if he could climb into the cabinet of Jackson's changing table, because "I just want to be in there for science".

I had asked D to clean his room, and he says, "But remember? You love me!"

I asked him not to take one of J's books into his own room, and he says "But I like it in my room for imagination." Um, what?

"I don't feel right. I think a cookie would make it feel better."

Dalton wanted to go out with me to get the mail. I said "But you don't have shoes on." and then HE says "No, but I do have a hole in my sock!"

Talking about our foster dogs finding a forever home, D says "The dogs have a home... OUR home."

"My tummy is starving for food." (I don't know why I thought that one was so cute, but I did.)

And I've saved the best for last...we were at good old Wal-Mart (is there really any other place to be?) and I was on the ice cream/breakfast aisle to get waffles. Dalton sees the ice cream and asked if we could get some, so I said yes. So we're standing in front of the cheapie stuff, and I said "Do you want vanilla? Chocolate? Strawberry? One with all three?" And his eyes get all big and he says "Is that ice cream...with cookies in it?" And I tell him yes. And he says "SHUT....UP. Ice cream? With cookies in it?!?" HA HA HA! I really wanted to get on to him for telling me to shut up but I was too busy laughing/choking. :)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Debbie Downer

Well, folks, I hate to be Debbie Downer, but I really just feel the need to vent.
We've been dealing with the auto insurance company regarding my wreck back in October 2008 (the reason Jackson was born prematurely) for sixteen months. SIXTEEN MONTHS. We finally got a settlement offer a month or so ago, which I turned down, because over half of it was going to be paid back to the health insurance company. I'm not going to talk about specific numbers, but I wasn't asking for pain and suffering. I wasn't asking for money to get rich on. I only wanted enough money to cover the additional expenses that were a result of Jackson being premature. I didn't want the entire birth covered. I wanted the money that we had to pay for 2 weeks in the NICU. The money needed to pay the neonatologist. The six months of RSV shots. Six months of lost income because Jackson couldn't go to daycare so I had to quit my job.
So we were offered a settlement. And the auto insurance claims rep said that he was going to contact our health insurance company to see if they would lower the amount of money they would take. Which supposedly he did in January. But then I called our benefits team (health insurance) to get an update on where we were at, and they told me (and sent me an email so that I had it in writing) that the auto insurance company paid our health insurance back, six months ago!
So I call the auto insurance company back (very irritated) and the guy handling the settlement tells me that it was OUR OWN policy that paid the health insurance back, so any settlement we get would possibly then need to pay back OUR policy for paying the medical.
Then he tells me that if we do accept the settlement, since it involved a minor, it would have to be approved through the court system before they could actually pay us. So what do I do? (I mean, what do I do, besides having a mental breakdown and crying for an hour, which I've already done, because I'm SO ready to be done with all of this!). We can't afford to get an attorney.
How is it that supposedly they can't give us a settlement because they are working on settlement issues with health insurance, yet health insurance says they got paid six months ago and the claim is closed? Are they (auto) just trying to draw this out so that we hit the statute of limitations and can't sue them? Not that we can do that anyway, because we can't afford an attorney. Do they (auto) not realize that we had to drop to one income because Jackson couldn't go to daycare and I had to quit my job? Do they not realize that we had to pay all Jackson's medical and my medical out of pocket up front? Do they not realize that there are weeks when Chris gets paid, we pay our bills, and we then only have $4.00 left to last us another two weeks until he gets paid again? Do they not realize that I've had medical problems, too, and to pay for them we put it on a credit card and then get hit with 200% interest? Do they not realize this, or do they not care? My guess is that they don't care.
I am so ready to be done with all of this. I am so tired of the phone calls, and faxing junk to ten thousand offices, and worrying about money. I'm just so tired. Period.