I'm Going To Be Rich Someday

Why will you be rich...I bet that's what you're asking.

Well, a while back I was on 7 or 8 different prescriptions for different ailments, and since I was on so many rx's at once, I got really paranoid about reading the patient information leaflets that came with the drugs. They're those printouts you get with your meds that list the drug name, the ailments that are treated, the side effects, etc. I'm not on all those meds anymore, but I am still a big stickler about reading those leaflets when I get them because I'm just crazy like that.

So tonight I went to the pharmacy to get my migraine meds and an anti-inflammatory for my foot problem, and I was reading both of the leaflets when I noticed (and I've noticed it before) that they always say a side effect could be caused, and that's exactly what you're treating for. Does that make sense? I'll explain in a minute if you don't get what I'm saying.

So I'm going to write my own patient education leaflet, and I'm going to copyright it, and it will be ONE leaflet good for any/all medications prescribed. And every time a pharmacy gives it out, they can pay me a penny each time. Even at only a penny, I'll be super rich, because it'll be one penny for every single rx for every person that gets one, at any pharmacy.

So, here's my patient ed sheet, and mind you, I have ALL rights to this, and if someone steals it, I'll sue you.

DRUG NAME: whatever
TREATMENT FOR: whatever
SIDE EFFECTS: If you are taking this medication for nausea/vomiting, this medication will make you nauseous/vomit. If you are taking this medication for diarrhea, it will cause diarrhea. If you are taking it for headaches, it will cause headaches. If you taking it for pain, it will cause pain. If you are taking it for inflammation, it will cause inflammation. If you are taking it for depression, it will cause more depression and you may have suicidal thoughts. If you are taking it for a cold, it will cause shortness of breath. If you are taking it for allergies, you will have additional and more severe allergic symptoms. If you are taking it for vision problems, it will cause you to go blind. If you are taking it for gastrointestinal problems, it will cause your bowel to fall out. If you are taking it to thin your blood, it will cause your blood to seep from every orifice in your body. If you are taking it for urinary infections, it will cause your penis to fall off, or your vagina to fall out, or your kidneys to evaporate. If you are taking it for mood swings, it will cause you to get the crazies. If you are taking it to prevent pregnancies, you will become pregnant with octuplets. If you are taking it to increase your sex drive, it will cause you to be attracted to members of the same sex. If you are taking it for a fungal infection, it will cause mold to replace your skin. If you are taking it for swelling, you will soon be the size of a house. If you are taking it for acne, soon your face will just be one giant zit. If you are taking it for any reason not listed above, it will cause the exact opposite effect on you.

I think that just about covers it.